耶魯前招生官：這樣寫文書才能第一時間能抓住我的眼球

留學文書在申請材料中占有很重要的地位。如果你的各種考試成績都不錯，那好文書就有畫龍點睛的作用，如果你的成績有點不理想，那好文書也給了你一個很不錯的彌補機會。

曾擔任過耶魯大學本科部的招生官EVA OSTRUM對這一點也有深有體會的，她自己就曾替一個SAT分數不高，但文書寫得很好的學生爭取到了錄取機會。本文是她在一次訪談時給的文書寫作建議，也許對你有點用。

學生在寫申請Essay時最常犯的錯誤有哪些?

有些大學會要求學生寫崇拜的偶像，比如“如果有機會，你最想和誰一起吃個飯?”，在寫這樣的題材時，學生經常犯的錯誤是『本末倒置』。他們花了大量篇幅寫自己的偶像，卻沒有怎樣介紹自己。

我的建議是，從你自身優(yōu)點寫。你崇拜這個人，你怎樣受ta影響?以我為例，我最崇拜的人是前南非總統nelson Mandela，我每天都要讀一句他的激勵人心的語錄。有一天，一個小男孩問我，“姐姐，你是哪個名人吧?”

我舉這個例子的結論是，把注意力放到自己的行動上，這樣不管你是有機會和偶像面對面交流，還是只是通過閱讀他們的書籍，你的視野都已經發(fā)生改變。
另一個普遍的錯誤是，學生往往認為必須寫一些使自己看起來和別人不同的東西。

當你和其他幾萬學生一起競爭申請某一頂尖名校時，僅靠突出活動本身作用不大。你做過的活動，招生官在別的學生那里同樣也可以看到。所以，把焦點放在某事“造就了你”方面，而不是“某事”方面。這才是招生官真正想知道的。

你怎么通過活動或事件展示自己，這才是文書關鍵。

你們如何判斷學生的Essay是否真實？

看他們的SAT閱讀分數。如果他們的SAT閱讀和寫作分數都不高，而essay好得就如同出自大學教授之手或者essay透露的成熟度和高中生形象不符，你都可以看到一些端倪。

有了一定的經濟基礎，學生找機構指導可以理解。別人都去找，你不找，你就處于弱勢了。但記住，找人指導文書時，他給你提建議怎么修改，可以；若他一句一句給你改好了，不可以。

有沒有一兩篇優(yōu)秀的文書令你印象深刻？什么令你記得這么牢固?

我記得兩篇。有個學生寫了他父親第一次帶他去上空手道培訓的情景。第一句就寫了他在其他體育項目如何不行。你會很有興趣讀下去。

還有個女生寫的是她如何喜歡并鑒賞連環(huán)漫畫冊的。她申請的是藝術院校，但有的大學并不認為連環(huán)畫是正兒八經的藝術。但我還是一開始就為她的文書吸引了，從第一句你就可以感受她對連環(huán)畫的熱愛。

這些文書第一時間就能抓住我的眼球，讓我有耐心細讀下去。

你能舉一個化普通為神奇的例子嗎？就是題材一般，但寫出來的角度很特別。

有位申請耶魯的學生，她寫每天上學，途中經過一座高樓，有很多鴿子停歇在上面。你也許覺得這樣的題材非?？尚?，但行文如此優(yōu)美，盡管寫的明明是尋常事件，但依然深深吸引了我。所以說，會講故事是很重要的。

想一想，在你的人生當中你聽到過的、親戚朋友講的故事，如果故事講得精彩，你也會聽得入神。

有沒有哪些題材學生不應該寫？

關于個人悲慘經歷的題材不好寫。學生往往深陷經歷當中，他們不是在講故事。他們寫出來的要么成了事件敘述，要么成了心靈雞湯。要寫真正沉重嚴肅的題材時，我會很小心翼翼。

這個題材不是不可以寫，但我認為應用經驗法則驗一驗。如果這個話題對你而言依然是敏感的，回想經歷，你可能還帶有一絲恐懼、一絲畏縮或者心痛，那就不要寫。

如果你能以輕松甚至調侃的態(tài)度談這段經歷，顯示你已經從經歷的悲痛中痊愈了，那你可以寫。當然，這并不是叫你一定要以幽默的口吻去寫痛苦的經歷。

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essay有多重要?

在我審閱的材料中，文書至少對一個學生是非常重要的。我對這個學生產生濃厚的興趣就是因為他的文書，我希望他來耶魯，我覺得他會給耶魯貢獻很多。但是他的SAT分數不高。耶魯的競爭如此之強，你稍微哪一點薄弱都可能與耶魯無緣。我為這個學生爭取到了錄取的機會。

不過，他也僅僅是靠文書贏得offer的。他老師也非常喜歡他，認為他以SAT低分申請不得不面對很大的風險，不過他依然放手一搏，走出這一步了。文書、老師和課堂，在顯示學生特質的時候一定是有些共通之處的。

有沒有哪些你想在學生文書中找尋的東西，學生若知道你們要的是這些可能會很驚訝的?

我認為學生如果知道招生官不是想在文書中找什么奇異奇特會感到驚訝。你用的例子越具體，你就越能細節(jié)描述故事，效果也越好。好的文書能展示學生。招生官讀文書，腦海里就能構思出你具有怎樣的性格，是個怎樣的學生。這就好比你和招生官在交談。這應該不難理解。

最后，附一篇耶魯大學Essay范文，作者為Alexander Dominitz，題材類型為The Arts。

"Please turn off all cell phones and pagers. Thank you, and enjoy the show." As the echo of my voice subsided, I seized the walkie-talkie that lay resting on the stool and raised it to my mouth. "Justin," I whispered, "kill the lights." I had just enough time to nod to the sound crew, signaling them to start the overture, before the stage went completely black. As Mendelssohn boomed from the speakers, my fingers fumbled around in the dark until finding the curtain chord. I began to pull downward, hand-over-hand, until the curtain revealed the court of the Duke of Athens. Kelsey's voice sounded from stage right: "Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws on apace…"

Breathe. As I leaned against the stage door, the journey that had brought me to this moment replayed in my memory: months of planning with the school's administration—outlining goals and creating schedules; hours of meeting with the faculty—enlisting the art department to build sets and begging English teachers to postpone projects; weeks of rehearsals, preparing the kids for the rigors of "opening night"; even the video that I wrote and filmed over a marathon-like weekend in order to advertise the endeavor. And finally…all my pessimistic friends who challenged my excitement with their disbelief: "Junior high school students? Shakespeare?" Then I thought, "But just look at them now!" Nina projects on stage—the smallness of her voice ceases to inhibit her performance. Chris watches his blocking—his awkward stance a distant memory. Amber now gestures with purpose—gone are the nervous habits that once characterized each movement. Garret knows every single line by heart—no longer will I be making the 10 p.m. house calls to help him memorize. But what about Brian? Little Brian…. I just don't know. Always so quiet and shy…h(huán)ave I reached him?

The Mendelssohn sounded again: time for intermission. I resumed my scurrying, taking down trees and bringing on columns, fixing loosened safety pins, freshening up faded makeup, and answering questions from the crew: "When do you want the spotlight in 4:1?" "What about the throne and the benches?" "Have you seen my donkey ears?" Suddenly, I felt a tug at the leg of my jeans. I turned around, and there was Brian, looking up at me with round, brown, hopeful eyes. In his usually timid voice, I heard a tone of determination. "Was that good? What can I do better for the next act?" I hugged him, reassured him, sent him to his entrance place, and rushed behind a curtain before anyone could see my tears of joy.

End of Act 5. As the lights came up for the curtain call, the audience rose in standing ovation. The faculty advisor tapped me on the shoulder. "It's your turn…get out there!" I looked out at the stage apron from my post at the curtain, smiled, and shook my head. "No," I said. "This is their moment."

They finished their bows, and as the curtain closed, all twentyfive seventh and eighth graders jumped up and down shouting, "We did it! We did it!" Hugs, laughter, and tears gushed from everyone—actors, technicians, and stagehands alike. I just stood there and watched, not daring to disrupt the spectacle, for I was witnessing the burst of elation that only those who have just created something beautiful can know. This was my bow. I did not need the audience's reaction to gauge the impact. I could see the results for myself. I can teach. I can inspire. I can touch lives. That's all that matters.

Alexander Dominitz attends Yale University.

點評

This essay requires a little background. The author, Alexander Dominitz, directed a play at a local elementary school. The reader can figure out the context as the essay goes forward, but the author relies on the rest of his application to fill in nuts and bolts information (such as the fact that the production was his idea, and that he convinced the principal at the elementary school to endorse it). Note the skillful pacing. The essay covers the length of the show, and Alexander uses digressions into his own thoughts to give the reader a sense that time is passing. Says Alexander, "They're asking you to write about yourself…The subject you know best. Just write from the heart and everything will be all right."

留學監(jiān)理網是國內最早的留學第三方平臺和唯一的留學監(jiān)理服務平臺，接受學生委托，憑借國家認定的留學行業(yè)唯一高新技術企業(yè)的技術實力和系統管理，依據大數據分析、行業(yè)資源和專業(yè)經驗，從海外游學、留學背景提升、語言培訓、選擇留學機構到回國就業(yè)落戶申請進行全程指導和督辦的服務。

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